Goodbye George Carlin by John Tognolini

I remember the first joke I heard from George in the early 1990's. It was on video showing his live performances in the US. It was just after George Bush Snr. bombed Iraq into the the stone age in the first Gulf War. I can't remember the exact words but he said basicially,

"When was the last time we bombed any white people? Oh the Germans right. And why? They wanted to rule the world. Now that's the US's job."

It take couraqe to to be a comic, particulary when you expose the unchallenged political power of wealthy elites and George Carlin had that.

And we should praise that. Even better, copy his example and go for the wealthy and the bigots. Make them and their politics targets for laughter and satire. George Carlin had both the moral and physical courage to do that.

On the Life of Al Lewis 1923-2006

Democracy Now, Monday, February 6th, 2006
"Grandpa" Al Lewis 1923-2006: Actor, Radio Host and Lifelong Political Activist Dead at 82

Actor and activist Al Lewis died at the age of 82. In the acting world, he was best known for playing Grandpa on the Munsters. He was also a lifelong activist. He ran for New York Governor on the Green Party ticket and was a longtime radio host on Pacifica station WBAI. [includes rush transcript]
________________________________________
Today we remember actor, radio host, and political activist "Grandpa" Al Lewis. He died Friday after years of failing health. There are conflicting reports over his age at the time of his death. He was thought to be 95 years old, but according to the Associated Press, his family now says he was in fact 82. Lewis was best known for his roles on two 1960s comedy series - as "Grandpa" on the "The Munsters" and Officer Leo Schauzer on "Car 54, Where Are You." He was also a life-long political activist, and an outspoken critic of US policy at home and abroad. In 1998, he ran for Governor of New York, as the Green Party candidate against Governor George Pataki. He also took turns as a basketball scout; a restaurant owner in Greenwich Village; and a radio host on WBAI here in New York.
Grandpa Al's death was announced Saturday by WBAI program director Bernard White, during the same time-slot he used to host his weekly program. We're going to play an excerpt now from an interview Bernard White and I conducted with Grandpa Pal on Democracy Now!, on April 10, 1997. We pick up the interview where Grandpa Al about his early involvement in political activities. Here, he talks about the case of Ethel and Julius Rosenberg - the married couple convicted and executed for spying for the Soviet Union at the height of the McCarthy era in the 1950s.
• "Grandpa" Al Lewis, interviewed April 10, 1997.
Listen to full interview with Al Lewis (mp3)

AMY GOODMAN: I’ll play an excerpt of that interview that Bernard White and I conducted with “Grandpa” Al Lewis on April 10, 1997. We pick up the interview where “Grandpa” Al Lewis talked about his early involvement in political activities. Here he talks about the case Ethel and Julius Rosenberg, the married couple convicted and executed for conspiring to spy for the Soviet Union at the height of the McCarthy era in the 1950s.
”GRANDPA” AL LEWIS” Most people don't remember. When the Rosenbergs were executed, the funeral was in Brooklyn -- well, they didn't live in Brooklyn -- at IJ Morris. And most people are not aware the two bodies were on view. And a group of us were there to make sure that no maniac came in and threw acid, and there was all kinds of crazies around during the height of the McCarthy period. And the lines started to form at 6:00 in the morning. The viewing didn't open until about 10:00. It was a group of us from the NMU. And most people are not aware that the majority of people who came to view the Rosenbergs, as they laid in the coffins, were black people.
I was there from the get-go before they opened the mortuary. Had a couple of incidents, one with a Daily News reporter. I still remember her name. Ruth Montgomery was trying to sneak a camera in. We did not allow pictures to be taken, you know, of this and that. I grabbed the bag and the camera and, you know, she said, “You can't do that.” And I said, “I know you ain't gonna stop me. I know that. And you can attempt to call the police. You want to do that? There's about 8,000 people waiting in line. You want to start a riot? Now, get out of here. Take your camera and get out.”
Anyway, he had made a decision. The good doctor had made a decision to go to the cemetery and you can read the front page of the New York Times. At least a thousand cars who followed the Hearst, children, grandmother. And I had to make sure that nobody messed with William Edward Burghardt DuBois. So, as we say in them old westerns, you know, we goin’ round up a posse, somebody’s gotta ride shotgun. Well, Al Lewis rode shotgun. And I always said, man, any mother's son put his foot on that running board knows he's the running board. I want to know if he could swallow the 45 that go right in his mouth. That's it.
AMY GOODMAN: So there was no trouble?
”GRANDPA” AL LEWIS” Even Steven. You make your play; I'll make mine. Take it from there.
BERNARD WHITE: Why do you figure -- did you ever think about this? Why so many black folks went to visit -- to view the bodies of the Rosenbergs?
”GRANDPA” AL LEWIS” They were not black radicals. Most of them were women. And I think they understood -- I don't even know if they felt that they were innocent or guilty or -- I think they just felt that they shouldn't have been executed. It’s like down in the South, Mississippi, when they used to march down from the penitentiary at Parchment. Parchment Farm. Women working in the cotton fields didn't know these men, and they used to sing, and the song came out of that. [singing] Another man done gone / Another man done gone to the Parchment Farm.
And it was that kind of an affinity that they had with people who -- you have to understand. See, people don't understand. Whether they did or didn't, certainly the trial didn't prove that, that they were communist sympathizers, whatever you want to call. You have to understand the period that -- you know, things grow out of soil. You know what I’m saying? You know, it’s hard to grow broccoli out after rock. You need the proper soil.
And in those communities, because that was my community, Brownsville, East New York, you know how people knew what communists were? Didn't read a book, didn’t read a pamphlet. During the Depression, the marshal came and evicted 20 people a day, and here come the communists, then the YCL, the Young Communist League. Once the marshal leaves, go up, break the lock, carry the furniture back in. Now, who do you think them people are going to -- that’s how they knew communists.
I mean, read John L. Lewis's book. [inaudible] places to organize was in the South. Harlan County. Good lord! I mean, you get off the train, they shoot you; bus, don't matter. And he used to bring in communists. And that's what people knew them as. They didn't know nothing about no ideologies, the Soviet Union, Karl Marx. They didn't know what the heck that was. And so it was that kind of an affinity. These people are putting their lives out on the line and getting hit on. If I don’t remember a thousand battles. They used to call it home relief; now they call it welfare -- in the ‘30s. And battles, they wouldn't give the lady home relief or they’d cut her off, or they took away this and stuff. And then, battles with the police. Well, I mean, people say, ‘Jeez, wow! So, if they were communists, they were probably moving back furniture the same way.’ It’s that kind of an affinity that underdogs have.
AMY GOODMAN: We are talking to Al Lewis, longtime actor and political activist. And Al, we just couldn't resist. Remember Vera Hall?
VERA HALL: [singing] Another man done gone / Another man done gone from the county farm / Another man done gone / I didn't know his name / I didn't know his name / I didn't know his name / I didn’t know his name / He had a long chain on / He had a long chain on / He had a long chain on / He had a long chain on / He killed another man / He killed another man / He killed another man / He killed another man / I don't know where he's gone / I don't know where he's gone / I don't know where he's gone / I don't know where he's gone / I’m going to walk your log / I’m going to walk your log / I’m going to walk your log / I’m going to walk your log.
BERNARD WHITE: So what is it in your past that made you pick the side that you’re on? I mean, there were many people -- excuse me, that you worked with --
”GRANDPA” AL LEWIS” I think somebody hexed me at birth. I don't know.
BERNARD WHITE: Because you could have just made money and been very comfortable and not --
”GRANDPA” AL LEWIS” Yeah.
BERNARD WHITE: -- have anything to do with any of these issues.
”GRANDPA” AL LEWIS” That's the way it’s supposed to be. That's the way it is supposed to be. You fight for what you believe in. As I said many a time, I’m my mother's son. I remember my mother taking me to demonstrations. I was a boy. My mother was -- I guess, what’s that? The Bell Curve would say she was an ignorant peasant woman from Europe. Came here, girl of 15, worked in the sweatshops. Brought over five daughters and her mother and father from Europe. Worked on her back. Worked all her life. Sweatshops. Garment center.
AMY GOODMAN: Polish?
”GRANDPA” AL LEWIS” Never had a vacation, my mother. Never went to a movie. Didn’t have the time, bringing up a family, taking care of her five sisters and her mother and father, brought them here from Europe. Had to earn money for passage and everything. And my mother was the kind of woman who understood the class struggle. While my mother worked as a poor lady in the garment center, and the boss said, ‘You know, it’s kinda hot; let's open the window,’ my mother’s thinking was, ‘If the boss says open the window, no, we keep it closed! That's it! That's it!’
My mother used to go on demonstrations. My mother used to -- see, you people don't remember. You all are youngsters. But during the Depression, people selling on the street corner, and along came the police officer of that day and used to attempt not all, but many, to get a dollar or two bribe. Otherwise, you can’t stay here. My mother was the kind of woman who would say in broken English -- I’ll do my mother now -- ‘Why you doing there? Why you bothering that man? He's trying to make a living. Get away from there!’ to the policeman. When I was a little kid, I was embarrassed. I’d pull my mother. ‘Don't pull me! Why you doing that?’ Well, my mother had a voice bigger than mine. Suddenly there's 50 people there, and the cop is getting scared. You know, for a dollar he’s trying to get from the guy selling garbanzo beans -- arbus, we called them -- or sweet potatoes or something. And here’s a mob. He don’t know if they’re going to tear his head off. And he walked away. But that was -- I’m my mother's son. That's it. I mean, I don't know how else to explain it. Then, of course --
BERNARD WHITE: Oh, that explains it very well.
”GRANDPA” AL LEWIS” I armed myself with facts and figures. You know what I mean? You know, but that’s how my mother was. My mother, you know, a little lady and fearless.
AMY GOODMAN: ”Grandpa” Al Lewis on Democracy Now!, April 10, 1997. He died this past Friday in Roosevelt Island at his home. We will come back to the interview that Bernard White and I did with him in a minute.
[break]
AMY GOODMAN: The theme of The Munsters. “Grandpa” Al Lewis was one of its stars. He died this past Friday in Roosevelt Island. We’re going to go back to the interview that I did with him with my colleague at WBAI, Bernard White, on Democracy Now! It was April 10, 1997.
AMY GOODMAN: I wanted to go back to W. E. B. DuBois for a minute. As you, a few years later --
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Yeah.
AMY GOODMAN: -- a few decades later when you met him, from the story you are telling about your mother. What was he like? And how did you find his concerns and what he talked about similar to what your mother cared about?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: My meetings with the good doctor were not social meetings. I never – pardon me, I think I was once in his house at Grace Court, when he lived at that beautiful house.
AMY GOODMAN: In New York City?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: By the river. Near Hick’s Pine, Orange, Pineapple, you know, in that area. I think I may have been there once, and that was some kind of a party -- I don't remember. Arthur Miller had a house there, Norman Rosten had a house there. I don't know. It was some kind of a party or something. My conversations were never lengthy conversations. I would meet him at certain situations where he needed protection, you know, all kinds of crazies in this world. You know what I mean? And I was there to trump an ace. You know what I mean?
And so we talked five, six, seven, eight minutes and, you know, and as again, I would say the good doctor, as far as I can remember, never participated like -- tonight is a demonstration, you know, in the killing, you know, of this young man Cedeno. Now the good doctor wouldn't be in the crowd. He would address the crowd if they asked -- you understand what I'm saying? And so, if he had to go there to address the crowd, me, guy named Popeye and a few other guys would make sure that there ain’t no crazies around, you know, and if they are, you pay the price. That's it.
AMY GOODMAN: So he didn't join demonstrations?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: I’m sorry?
AMY GOODMAN: He didn't join demonstrations?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Well, I don't know what you mean by joining them.
AMY GOODMAN: He didn't march.
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: You mean, did he march with a picket sign? I never knew of him to do that. I knew him even before he married Shirley, you know, Shirley Graham. In his later years he married Shirley, and then they both went to Tanzania, because of the trial – you know, arrested and handcuffed – embarrassing.
AMY GOODMAN: Why was he arrested?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: So-called Smith Act communist. Why was Paul Robeson? They took his passport away. You know, it’s like Lord Acton said, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
AMY GOODMAN: You knew Paul Robeson?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Oh very well, very well, very well. Knew him very well. Oh, yeah.
AMY GOODMAN: How did you get to know --
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Knew him first as a football player. Yessiree, All-American, and it’s a damn shame -- you are not supposed to say “God damn.” Can’t say that, because a lot of these Christian people listening are going to jump up in the air. But it’s a damn shame that he's not in the football hall of fame. That's right. He was a great, great football player. Besides, most people don't know he was an LLB. He was a lawyer. Had his law degree. Didn't practice but he had a law degree. Yeah. Brilliant man. Brilliant linguist. Great singer. Great actor.
BERNARD WHITE: So how -- you used to hang around with him also?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Yeah. You know, hey, you know, with the boys. Boys in the hood.
AMY GOODMAN: Remember this one?
[applause]
BERNARD WHITE: I think I hear you clapping.
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Yeah, that’s me.
AMY GOODMAN: 1965, Paul Robeson.
PAUL ROBESON: [singing] When Israel was in Egypt’s land / Let my people go / Oppressed so hard they could not stand / Let my people go / Go down, Moses, way down Egypt’s land / Tell old Pharaoh / Let my people go.
BERNARD WHITE: I'm really glad that you went into acting.
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: You what?
BERNARD WHITE: I'm glad that you went into acting.
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Oh. Really?
BERNARD WHITE: Because singing is not your thing.
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: No. But you don't understand. You see, you don't understand. I have been in musicals on Broadway, and they asked me, “Do you sing?” I said, “Yes, I sing poorly, but passionately.”
BERNARD WHITE: That you do.
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: I do.
AMY GOODMAN: What did you sing on Broadway?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Last thing I did on Broadway was Do Re Mi, a musical, Comden and Green, Jule Styne, Phil Silvers, Nancy Walker.
AMY GOODMAN: What did you sing?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: 1960 -- let's see. We opened Christmas week. David Merritt was the producer. Garson Kanin was the director.
AMY GOODMAN: But what did you sing?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: What did I sing?
AMY GOODMAN: Yeah.
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: What did I sing? Oh I sang – I didn’t have a solo, obviously. It was white backlash, I think. Great -- there was one great song in there that Julie wrote, may rest in peace. [singing] Make someone happy / Make just one someone happy / And you will be happy, too.
I sing better than you, Bernard. You know that?
BERNARD WHITE: Oh, come on now. We’re going to have to have a contest.
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: I agree. You know me.
BERNARD WHITE: You still say that, and you’ve heard me?
“GRANDPA” AL LEWIS: Yeah, you know why? Because you don't sing with feeling. You know, funny thing. I was -- years and years ago, what's his name -- first name, Wilson, the black band leader. He had a jazz show in L.A. on KGOL, I think it was, and he was interviewing the conductor, Zubin Mehta, you know, famous, world-famous conductor, and Zubin said a very interesting thing. They were talking about -- they had played a record or something, a gospel song. And he said, “For me, it’s not judging whether the singers are great or spectacular or just okay, but when I hear them sing, I believe them.” Hear that? Now when I sing, they believe me!
AMY GOODMAN: We are talking to Al Lewis. In a few weeks, he’s going to be celebrating his birthday on April 30. He's going to be 88, and what a life he's led through this 20th century. When he finished up the Broadway run of Do Re Mi with Phil Silvers and Nancy Walker, he was summoned, along with Fred Gwynn, to test for The Munsters, and we’re going to talk about that with him when we come back. Stay with us.
AMY GOODMAN: And that was “Grandpa” Al Lewis, interviewed April 10, 1997. His age -- well, there are different stories about his age. While he was alive, we thought he now was 95. But it turns out, according to his son, in fact, he died at the age of 82. He died on Friday at Roosevelt Island where he lived. Our condolences to the Lewis family.

The Marx Brothers

A selection of Quotes from the Marx Brothers Films, from Clown Ministry

Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

(Answering telephone.) Hello? Yes? Ice water in 318? Is that so? Where'd you get it? Oh, you want some. Get some onions, that'll make your eyes water. (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929)

Hello, I must be going. (Groucho Marx in Animal Crackers, 1930)

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

I know, heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks. (Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

I'd have thrashed him to within an inch of his life, but I didn't have a tape measure.. (Groucho Marx in Go West, 1940)

I'll see you at the opera tonight. I'll hold your seat till you get there. After that, you're on your own. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge. (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929)

I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived. (Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers, 1932)

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up. (Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers, 1932)

If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of you. (Groucho Marx in A Day at the Races, 1937)

Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement. (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts, 1929)

Madam, before I get through with you, you will have a clear case for divorce, and so will my wife. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931

)

Oh, why can't we break away from all this, just you and I, and lodge with my fleas in the hills? I mean flee to my lodge in the hills.. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. (Groucho Marx in Animal Crackers, 1930)

Room service? Send up a larger room. (Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. (Groucho Marx in A Day at the Races, 1937)

Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much? (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

That's what I always say. Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket. (Groucho Marx in The Cocoanuts

Whatever it is, I'm against it. (Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers, 1932)

When I invite a woman to dinner I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay. (Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

Why did I sit with her? Because she reminds me of you, that why I'm here with you, because you remind me of you, your eyes, your throat, your lips, everything about you reminds me of you ... except you. How do you account for that? (if she figures that one out she's good.) (Groucho Marx in A Night at the Opera, 1935)

With a little study you'll go a long ways, and I wish you'd start now. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way. (Groucho Marx in Animal Crackers, 1930)

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. (Groucho Marx in Monkey Business, 1931)

You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. (Groucho Marx in Duck Soup, 1933)

You know you've got the brain of a four-year old child, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it. (Groucho Marx in Horse Feathers, 1932)

All you ever wanted to know about Marx Brothers incidents...

From The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes

Clifton Fadiman, General Editor

MARX, Chico [Leonard] (1891-1961), US movie comedian, one of the famous Marx Brothers.

1. Marx's wife had caught him kissing a chorus girl. During the ensuing row, Chico declared: "I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering in her mouth."

2. A new neighbor, not recognizing Chico, asked him what he

did for a living. "I'm a smuggler," announced Chico, then,

reassuringly, "Nothing big. Just Mexicans."

3. Chico wrote Heywood Broun a check to pay off some gambling

debts, warning him not to cash it before twelve o'clock the

following day. Broun later complained to Chico that the check

had bounced. Chico asked: "What time did you try to cash it?"

"Twelve-o-five." "Too late."

MARX, Groucho [Julius] (1895-1977), US comedian, one of the famous Marx Brothers.

1. Groucho was working in the garden of his California house,

dressed in tattered and ancient clothes. A wealthy matron in

a Cadillac caught sight of him, stopped, and wondered whether

she might persuade the supposed gardener to come and work

for her. "Gardener," she called, "how much does the lady of

the house pay you?" Groucho looked up. "Oh, I don't get paid in dollars,"

he replied. "The lady of the house just lets me sleep with her."

2. Groucho was descending in the elevator of the Hotel Danieli in

Venice. On the third floor the elevator stopped and a group of

priests entered. One of them, recognizing Groucho, told him

that his mother was a great fan of his. "I didn't know you guys were allowed to have mothers," said Groucho.

3. When Groucho wanted to join a certain beach club in Santa

Monica, California, he was told by a friend that as the club was

known to be anti-Semitic he might as well not bother to apply.

"But my wife isn't Jewish," replied Groucho, "so will they let my

son go into the water up to his knees?" {This story and the one

following, however, are both probably apocryphal.}

4. Groucho sent a telegram to the exclusive Friar's Club in

Hollywood, to which he belonged: "Please accept my resignation.

I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."

5. The maitre d'hotel stopped Groucho as he was about to enter

the dining room of a smart Los Angeles hotel. "I am sorry, sir,

but you have no necktie."

"That's all right," said Groucho, "don't be sorry.

6. Groucho attended one of George Gershwin's parties, given,

it seemed, for the sole purpose of letting the host play and

show off his music. Someone asked him, "Do you think that Gershwin's melodies will be played a hundred years from now?"

"Sure," was Groucho's answer, "if George is here to play them."

7. A tipsy man lumbered up to Groucho Marx, slapped him on the

back, and said, "You old son-of-a-gun, you probably don't remember me."

Marx glared at him and said, "I never forget a face, but in your case

I'll be glad to make an exception."

8. The Marx Brothers, though a closely knit group, also understood

their relative values as performers. When they were working on

Broadway, Zeppo, the straight man and consequently replacable, decided to quit the show. Sam Harris, the producer, gave him permission to leave. When

Groucho, Harpo and Chico heard about it, they went to Harris. Groucho said,

"Sam, if Zeppo leaves you'll have to give us more money."

9. Groucho Marx intensly disliked producer Harry Cohn, who worked

for Columbia pictures. Once, with his brother Chico, he viewed Cohn's

latest film. When the words "Columbia Pictures Presents" came up,

Groucho turned to Chico and remarked, "Drags, doesn't it?"

10. Warner Brothers threatened to sue Groucho Marx when they

heard that the next Marx Brothers film was to be called

"A Night in Casablanca", arguing that the title was too close

to their own "Casablanca". Groucho's reply: "I'll sue you for using the word 'Brothers'."

11. During his stint as a comedian in a show called "You Bet Your

Life," Groucho interviewed many participants. On one occasion he

interviewed a Mrs. Story, who had given birth to twenty-two children.

"I love my husband," Mrs. Story said enthusiastically.

"I like my cigar too, " said Groucho, "but I take it out once in

a while." {This remark, like many others, had to be cut before

the broadcast. On average one and a half hours of live show

were cut to about twenty-six minutes of broadcast.}

12. Invited to a bachelor dinner at a fashionable restaurant before a

high-society wedding, Groucho and Harpo noted that the automatic

elevator opened directly into the dining rooms on various floors. As the

elevator went up, they gleefully arranged a surprise for the assembled

bachelors and emerged - carrying their clothes in valises and wearing nothing

but top hats.

To their consternation, they were greeted not by rauscous roars

of male hilarity but by high-pitched feminine shrieks. The bride was

entertaining "her" friends on the floor above the bachelor dinner, and

Groucho and Harpo had pressed the wrong button. No ready

escape appeared; they took refuge behind a large potted plant until they

could drape themselves in tablecloths secured by a kindly waiter, murmur

abject apologies to the horrified ladies, and slink ignominiously from the

room.

13. Marx despised the empty cliches of business correspondence. A

Letter from his bank manager ended with the standard phrase, "If I can be

of any service to you, do not hesitate to call on me." Marx immediately put

pen to paper. "Dear Sir," he wrote, "The best thing you can do to be of

service to me is to steal some money from the account of one of

your richer clients and credit it to mine."

14. For many years, every time they met, Samuel Goldwyn's first

words to Groucho Marx would be "How's Harpo?" Marx grew rather tired of

this. Finally, on meeting Goldwyn again and facing the inevitable inquiry,

He said, "Listen Sam, every time we meet - every time for _years_ -

you always ask, 'How's Harpo?' You never ask me anything else, and to

tell you the truth, I'm getting goddam sick and tired of it. Why don't you ever

ask me how _I_ am?"

"How are you?" asked Goldwyn obligingly.

"I'm fine," replied Groucho.

"And how's Harpo?"

MARX, Harpo [Arthur] (1893-1964) US movie comedian, the member of the famous Marx brothers team who often pretended to be dumb. He

was a skilled Harpist.

1. Among guests at a dinner party were Harpo Marx and his wife,

Susan.The English writer Jonathan Miller quizzed one of the other guests

afterward, hoping to hear firsthand some of Hapro's witticisms.

"What did Harpo say?" he asked.

"He didn't say anything."

"How about his wife?"

"She didn't say anything, either."

"Oh," said Miller in pretended disgust, "stealing Harpo's bit, eh?"

2. Meeting George S. Kaufman in New York, Oscar Levant asked if

he had recently heard from his friend Harpo Marx. "How can you hear from

Harpo?"asked Kaufman. "He can't write and he can't talk, so how can you

hear from Harpo?"

3. Harpo Marx on a visit to New York was plagued by representatives of charities wanting him to appear at benefits. One persistant lady telephoned him no fewer than twelve times in forty-eight hours. Harpo eventually agreed to appear for her charity. To ensure that he would not escape her at the last minute, she called to escort him personally to the benefit. As they were leaving the hotel suite, the telephone began ringing. "Don't you want to go back and answer it?" the lady asked. "Why bother?" responded Harpo with a weary sigh. "It's undoubtedly you again."

Brother, can you spare your name?

This is the famous letter from Groucho Marx to Warner Brothers studio, which threatened legal action if the Marx Brothers insisted on the title, 'A Night in Casablanca', for their film.

Dear Warner Bros.,

Apparently there is more than one way of conquering a city and holding it as your own. For example, up to the time that we contemplated making this picture, I had no idea that the city of Casablanca belonged exclusively to Warner Brothers. However, it was only a few days after our announcement appeared that we received your long, ominous legal document warning us not to use the name Casablanca.

It seems that in 1471, Ferdinand Balboa Warner, your great-great-grandfather, while looking for a shortcut to the city of Burbank, had stumbled on the shores of Africa and, raising his alpenstock (which he later turned in for a 100 shares of common), named it Casablanca.

I just don't understand your attitude. Even if you plan on releasing your picture, I am sure that the average movie fan could learn in time to distinguish between Ingrid Bergman and Harpo. I don't know whether I could, but I certainly would like to try.

You claim that you own Casablanca and that no one else can use that name without permission. What about "Warner Brothers"? Do you own that too? You probably have the right to use the name Warner, but what about the name Brothers? Professionally, we were brothers long before you were. We were touring the sticks as the Marx Brothers when Vitaphone was still a gleam in the inventor's eye, and even before there had been other brothers - the Smith Brothers; the Brothers Karamazov; Dan Brothers, an outfielder with Detroit; and Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?. (This was originally "Brothers, Can You Spare a Dime?" but this was spreading a dime pretty thin, so they threw out one brother, gave all the money to the other one, and whittled it down to "Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?")

Now Jack, how about you? Do you maintain that yours is an original name? Well it's not. It was used long before you were born. Offhand, I can think of two Jacks - Jack of Jack and the Beanstalk, and Jack the Ripper, who cut quite a figure in his day.

Quotes from Charlie Chaplin (1889-1977)

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

A tramp, a gentleman, a poet, a dreamer, a lonely fellow, always hopeful of romance and adventure.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.



All my pictures are built around the idea of getting in trouble and so giving me the chance to be desperately serious in my attempt to appear as a normal little gentleman.

Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.

I do not have much patience with a thing of beauty that must be explained to be understood. If it does need additional interpretation by someone other than the creator, then I question whether it has fulfilled its purpose.

I don't believe that the public knows what it wants; this is the conclusion that I have drawn from my career.

I had no idea of the character. But the moment I was dressed, the clothes and the make-up made me feel the person he was. I began to know him, and by the time I walked onto the stage he was fully born.

I have no further use for America. I wouldn't go back there if Jesus Christ was President.

I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.

I thought I would dress in baggy pants, big shoes, a cane and a derby hat. everything a contradiction: the pants baggy, the coat tight, the hat small and the shoes large.

I went into the business for the money, and the art grew out of it. If people are disillusioned by that remark, I can't help it. It's the truth.

In the end, everything is a gag.

Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.

Movies are a fad. Audiences really want to see live actors on a stage.

That is why, no matter how desperate the predicament is, I am always very much in earnest about clutching my cane, straightening my derby hat and fixing my tie, even though I have just landed on my head.

The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.

---

Charlie Chaplin's closing speech in his film The Great Dictator:

A Jewish Barber: I'm sorry, but I don't want to be an emperor. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone, and the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge as made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish. Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power. Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world! To do away with national barriers! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite! Hannah, can you hear me? Wherever you are, look up Hannah! The clouds are lifting! The sun is breaking through! We are coming out of the darkness into the light! We are coming into a new world; a kindlier world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed, and brutality. Look up, Hannah! The soul of man has been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow! Into the light of hope, into the future! The glorious future, that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up, Hannah. Look up!

Quotes from Lenny Bruce (1922-1966)

A lot of people say to me, "Why did you kill Christ?" "I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know." "We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him."


All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.


Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.


I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.


I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.


If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.


In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.


Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.


Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.


The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.


The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.


The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.


The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are - it's "Look at me, Ma!" It's acceptance, you know - "Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma." And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!

Take away the right to say "fuck" and you take away the right to say "fuck the government!".

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

There are never enough I Love You's.

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.

Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an "act" and he told the audience, "This is my act." Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

I'm sorry I haven't been funny. I am not a comedian. I am Lenny Bruce.

If something about the human body disgusts you complain to the manufacturer.

I don't know about you but I enjoy the way our tax money is being spent to arrest, indict, convict, imprison, parole, and re-imprison these people (marijuana smokers). I'd just piss away on beer any way."